Monday, August 24, 2015

A Brave New World!

       Sixteen and a half months later and twelve surgeries later this is not what I had in mind.  At 53 I had never broken a bone in my life.  It took a collision with a truck at 50 mph on April 5, 2014, to make up for all that.  The left femur was a compound fracture and in 108 pieces.  My left forearm  and elbow were in 76 pieces.   When I woke up three weeks later  my left arm was part bone part erector set and completely useless.  My left leg had what looked like a 67 Volkeswagen bumper bolted to it.  
       My wife had spent that time sleeping on the couch in ICU and though it took awhile for her concern for my life to be alleviated under it all she was pissed.   I was glad to be alive but Damn it hurt. More than once I thought I would have been fine for my life to have ended on that sunny spring day doing something I loved.  I was right with God and my fellow man.  I had the most important things in life, the unceasing love and devotion of a beautiful woman, two wonderful daughters, a loving supportive family, and loyal friends that would be there through thick and thin.  I have come to understand that for exactly those same reasons it would not have been alright to die on that stretch of road.  I also know now that I needed all those resources and more to make it through, for each of these people I am truly grateful.
      I have always said I would never say "Why ME?" if times got tough.  I can truly say I have not said that during this journey and that is exactly what it has become, a journey.  I spent months going through therapy, surgery, more therapy, and more surgeries.  I had unforeseen complications that could have caused me to loose what was left of my left leg as well as cause permanent damage to my organs.  I have pictures of the accident scene and me laying in the ditch with six EMT's surrounding me.  There are pictures of the motorcycle which was surprisingly lightly damaged considering the extent of my injuries.  Pictures also exist of every step of my recovery from wound care to xrays detailing what I've been through and it's far from over.  I will not subject anyone else to those or ask you to carry those images in your memory.
    I spent a great deal of time trying to figure out what happened.  Was it my fault?  Was it someone else's fault?  I do not have any memory of the actual collision.  I do however vividly remember seeing a clear road ahead for several hundred yards before I glanced away.  My wife also says I told her I did my best to miss the truck during my limited moments of semi-consciousness  in ICU.  It truly no longer matters to me.  I should not have survived but I did.  Maybe there is a greater plan for me.  I know I have a great many things undone and the opportunity to correct that.
     I started another blog some years back "Lots of Small Circles" and abandoned it
for various reasons.  I made the following comment then:

"This decision lead me to take stock of my life. When I was 24 I had a major knee injury. I am 48 now major shoulder injury. What could I be looking at in another 24 years at 72? I decided to look a little deeper. From the age of 18 I looked every 6 years, then every 3 years. A pattern seemed to be surfacing that every 3 to 4 years some major life changing event took place. A marriage, the birth of a child, a divorce, death of a parent, injury, economic factors forcing a career change, remarriage, you can see where I am going with this. There are patterns in life, events that challenge us and shape us, make us who we are. Some of these events are under our control some are not. That my friend is where the rub is. If I have learned nothing else in life this is the one real truth I have observed in my life as well as the lives of others. It is not the events that shape our lives as much as how we deal with them. Everyday is a learning experience and filled with opportunities to be a better stronger person. It's not always about me, usually it's not about me."

This passage has stayed with me through all those years and the accident fell right in with that time line.  I have tried to make the highlighted phrase above my credo.  Never has this been truer than in the past sixteen months.   Living life in a wheelchair is to say the least challenging.  You quickly learn the difference between compliance and accessibility.  You also learn to adapt.
     This blog started out as a story of the transformation of a motorcycle.  It has become as I stated in an earlier post about the transformation of a man.   I have been given the opportunity to view life from a totally different perspective, to experience it in a totally different way.  That is a rare blessing indeed.  I understand so much more about my fellow man.  It doesn't matter how bad you think life is there is always someone worse off than you are; dealing with a hardship you can't imagine.   I have come to embrace these opportunities.  If it is a new way of doing an ordinary task or a new hobby there are new friends, new adventures, and new challenges around every corner.  It is indeed "A Brave New World!"